Last night the sewer line backed up and flooded the downstairs apartments. I guess it was reccommended that we leave for the night. Of course none of us had money, and I had nobody to take me or Michael in. The father (who is usually absent or jailed) of my neighbor's children was trying to tell me that with Michael's "problems" the fumes and such would be even worse for him. He kept saying it as if he knew all about my son and everything. I was more and more offended with each word he spoke. Especially since he was sounding so sure, as if he were an expert. Yet he has rarely seen Michael in the last year.
I just wanted to scream at him that Autism is a mental condition, Michael would get sick the same in any way a "normal" child would...
I suppose we will be facing ignorant people like that many times to come...
Yes, so true! The word is
Yes, so true! The word is full of ignoramuses, including myself because I always put my foot in my mouth (figuratively speaking) and sometimes don't think things through enough before I speak/write.
It sounds like your neighbor also is not great at reading social cues (like the thundercloud of anger brewing on your face or the daggers shooting from your eyes, perhaps). I think he also suffers from Neighboritis. Unfortunately, there is no cure for Neighboritis, as it is an organic brain disorder often characterized by social deficits. Also, it is important to remember, when dealing with someone suffering from this condition, that you may be living next-door to this person for many long years to come. (The best thing to do is say you can't chat because you left the oven on).
Your particular neighbor dude, although I don't know him (of course), may be a Know-It-All in search of elusive respect--you know, something he may not get a lot of when he's in jail, so, I don't know, maybe he was trying to impress you by trying to give you advice and acting empathetic to you like he had any idea what he was talking about (which he obviously didn't).
In my condo complex, you would be surprised by some of the undercurrents and interactions between us neighbors. You would think that this would be a pretty civilized place to live, a 15 minute walk to the beach and units selling for half-a-mil (okay, when the market was better), but one of our neighbors is a girlfriend beater/metal head (seriously, he was stuffed into the back of a cop car one fine morning) and even the little old retired neighbors have their moments. For instance, the people across from us house sat for my other neighbor. They went through her entire house and moved furniture, looked through the mail, went through cupboards--I mean, all they were supposed to do was feed the darn cat! And then, when the people got back from their vacation, the little old guy wrote a big scathing note to the husband (who was being deployed) that he ought to be ashamed of himself by leaving his wife stateside with such an old beater of a car (the car in question was a Mazda with only 30 thousand miles on it) that she would be humiliated to drive around on base yadda yadda yadda and a whole bunch of other things that weren't their business. I mean, HELLO, I've been on the local military base and some of those cars are in pretty bad shape. It was totally ridiculous! Anyway, the little old guy's response was, "I do stupid things when I'm drunk." Well, yeah! Of course, the first thing that pops into my mind when I'm drunk (ha, as if!) is "Yeah, I think I'm going to tick off my neighbor who is, in all likelihood, a trained killer with military gear stored in his garage."
Okay, Shootingstars, I hope I at least provided some laughs for you! Have a great weekend!
Just tonight he annoyed me
Just tonight he annoyed me once again. He does not live here, and technically he is not even supposed to be here. But my neighbor ALWAYS gives in. Well I think she wants him for herself not for their kids. He called me to ask if I would watch the kids for like an hour (it is almost 10PM) and I am assuming so him and her can go out and probably drink. I know them one hour always turns into like 3. They figure I won't just leave the kids. But my son is in bed and even with the baby moniter and knowing he sleeps like the dead I am not willing to risk it. It also hurts that she always asks me to WATCH the kids so she can go out, but not once has she ever asked me to go out.
Thank you for your input, it does help to know people are out there.
Hmmm, well, if they've never
Hmmm, well, if they've never even offered to reciprocate the babysitting, next time they call you could politley tell them something like, "I've been a friend and watched your kids for 15 hours for free this year. Your kids are really great, but, you know, in the past I've always charged $8/hr for babysitting, with a 3 hour minimum. Actually, my rate was usually higher for watching two or three children. And also, I really can't leave my apartment at this hour because my son is asleep --I don't feel comfortable leaving my son here-- even though I have a babymonitor--leaving my son here to come over and watch your kids. But if you want to bring the kids over to my place and give me $20 up front before I let you through the door, sure, I'll watch your kids." (Legally you can earn a nominal amount per quarter under the table without having to report it, I think it is $50 or something like that, per quarter for services like babysitting or clearing snow from driveways).
That is a sticky situation because if you say no, they might get angry, plus they might go out and leave the kids alone. It sounds like you are a really nice person who likes and cares about those kids. But, if the husband can afford to go out for a drink, he can afford to pay for babysitting, especially a sitter who is so conveniently located, and available on short notice, too.
Do you or those neighbors get respite services? When my son first got diagnosed, the intake supervisor at our local Regional Center "forgot" to tell me that I qualified for free babysitting. I didn't find out until a FULL YEAR later that I could get 12 hours a month of free babysitting.
Take care! I'm enjoying your blog. I'm hoping to use my blog as a bit of a therapuetic journal. And also just to get into writing because I enjoy reading so much.
They are not married, and he
They are not married, and he has a child with another girl. In fact he had both this girl and my neighbor pregnant at the same time. I have watched their kids so many times, they assume I can give up my quiet night and sit there. I refuse to have her daughter here. She s evil. I love her, but she is evil. She dang near broke my nose because she threw a toy gun at me. She destroys everything and will not listen. Which is why I decided I will not do daycare for her while Michael is in school.
I think the main things that annoys me is she will always ask me to sit with her kids so she can go out, yet not once has she ever asked me to go, even on a night I could have had my mother watch Michael. Also when she claims she will be back by such time, it is always well after because her "ride" did not want to leave. I personally think at 3 this kid should be in bed when the adult says, and not sleeping in the living room with the mother... All cuz she will not clean out her own room and force the kid to sleep in her's. And after all day with Michael I just want some quiet.
Im sure this is why caller
Im sure this is why caller ID was invented in the first place. STOP being so nice.
Either dont answer the phone or JUST SAY NO. By the way respite care is wonderful.
We get 30 hours a month. Honey you have enough on your plate being the mom
of a special needs child. And if they leave the kids alone call CPS. God bless. Cindy
She has never went out and
She has never went out and left the kids alone. And now that she is working she does not hang out at the girl downstairs wih the kids alone anymore. I think I have just gotten sick of being asked to stay home with her kids and never once asked to go out. Not that I would but still. I think she has put me as her last one to call now, cuz she knows I get really annoyed when she says an hour then it is two or more.
Ah, kind of a Shar and
Ah, kind of a Shar and Britney thing he had going on. You made me laugh out loud when you described the daughter--reminded me of one of my best friends and her three kids. I had them all over a few months ago and it was total chaos ages 1, 2, and 5. At one point, my friend went out to her car to get a diaper and she didn't come back for an hour (maybe she took a nap, she never said). I didn't blame her, I didn't want to be here either!
So, I think I get it, you want to do a Ladies' Night Out. You deserve a Ladies' Night Out!
I suppose it would be nice
I suppose it would be nice to go out, but the odd thing is I really do not want to go out with them. I am just tired of always being asked to stay in while they go out, claiming they need breaks, yet leave their children with someone who only gets a break while my son is in school and can never just leave him with a sitter I barely know like they have been known to do... And they then seem to think they know all about Michael's condition, yet I am the one rasing both mine and their kids half the time.
Seriously girl....you need
Seriously girl....you need a night out...but NOT with them.. they are not your friends. They don't give a rip about you. Gosh, that sounds cold, but I honestly believe it.
Make a plan to get dressed up in whatever makes you feel the prettiest...do that makeup and GO!! You don't have to stay long. Just get out. Michael won't mind, and maybe those neighbors will see you looking all fine and free and eat their hearts out!! LOL
Afterwards, let us know how much you enjoyed yourself. Shoot...it's Friday night....are you still sitting there? Go girl!
I do not have baby sitter
I do not have baby sitter options. 0 people I can call. So yes I am sitting home. And no I am not torn up about it, I do not drink and party and nothing else to do in this town, so no biggie.
Joe was the problem not as much as the others, and he does not live here, and will be banned from the State of Iowa soon...
Good morning.. You
Good morning.. You mentioned in an earlier post that you could have your Mother watch Michael. Is this no longer an option?
Going out does NOT have to involve drinking and partying. How about a church in your area.? There are some great people out there. It would be a spiritual renewal for you. The music can be awesome!! Best of all, you might find a support system. Many nondenominational churches have weekend (Friday or Saturday night) events. Young adults . That sounds like you.
Also...just going out to lunch...a walk around shopping trip..even if you're not buying. A matinee. Something that talkes you out of isolation . A time that you can say.."this is all about ME." :>)
My mother works nights. So
My mother works nights. So she watches Michael if I need to go to the store in the morning. That is what I do alone, grocery shopping.
I am not big on organized religion personally. There are few churches here that hold any services other than Sunday, and they are mainly for the kids. Michael is too young to go, and he would be a disruption.
It is not really that bad. Michael's behavior has taken a drastic turn for the better, and he is cooperating very well in therapy now.
I am not big on organized
I am not big on organized religion either sstars. I am big on God and Christ. You don't have to be in church to be. I suggested that because you are young and whatever feeds your spirit should be an option.
I know staying home isn't a bad thing. I am very happy to hear that Michael is doing well. Trinity seems to be in a back peddling motion right now. I think it is because there is no school. Change is the enemy.
What you don't want though is to isolate yourself. Human contact is a good thing. Since Michael is doing so well, maybe the two of you can plan a good outing.