I am watching college football and my Alma mater is losing to the team that was our biggest gymnastics rival when I competed for Penn State. Yes, JoePa and the Nittany Lions are being outplayed by Ohio State. (Stupid Buckeyes.) Although I have nothing to do with the outcome of the game and I have no financial interest in who is the victor, I still want my team to win and the fact that they will lose has made me just a wee bit grumpy. I know this grumpy feeling will last approximately 64 seconds after the game actually ends, and then it will be gone. Because even though I wanted them to win, my mood for the day does not depend on it whatsoever.
Shift gears... Cooper currently has two favorite songs. One is titled "The Best Day Ever" and is sung by Spongebob Squarepants. The other song is "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. Best Day Ever and Bad Day. I find it interesting that the extremes of "best" and "bad" are what appeals to him. It makes some sense though. He has trouble finding the middle ground. Usually he is at one or the other end of the emotional spectrum....Completely happy and satisfied or agitated and inconsolable. When he was younger, if he was having a day living in sad-ville everything would become all about getting us back into happyland. We would do everything we could to get him out of the funk.
On Wednesday of this week he had a really hard transition from school to home. By the time we got home he was in such a state that he and I sat on the landing of our stairs for a good 20 minutes. I just held him while he sobbed. At some point he said, "I'm sorry mom."
I said, "You have nothing to be sorry about." (big pause) Then I said, "I hate to see you cry."
His response was, "I know. Me too. I can't help it."
And therein lies the rub. He can't help it. When the 'bad day' feeling comes upon him, nothing but time will work it out. I'm glad that now his language has come along to the point where he and I can dialogue a bit. It opened my eyes to hear him say, "I know. Me too. I can't help it." Wow.
The highs and lows of daily life (like my favorite team winning or not) don't rock my day. I don't determine "Best Day Ever" or "Bad Day" based on the circumstances around me, or else emotionally I'd be a wreck. My joy has to come from elsewhere. For Cooper, helping him control his sense of "ok-ness" for reasons other than his external circumstances is quite a challenge. The fact that the school bell rang before he had his backpack ready (on top of some other end-of-the-day events) sent him into tailspin. I am thankful that he vocalized to me that the emotional swings are tough for him, too. I'm hopeful this is a baby step towards even more mature dialogue about them. Who knows, maybe one day we be able to sing together, "It's a Good Day" in the face of anything that comes our way.
Have the BEST DAY EVER!
~peace.
My son is 3 and he has days
My son is 3 and he has days like that. Once he starts he does not stop until the next day. He will have small spurts of crying sporadically. He does good for a 3 year old but still can't help but cry when things are just not right for him. I too try to get down on his level and see what I can do to make it better. I am curious at how old your son is. I am hoping that my son will be able to verbalize it someday soon. For now I will just keep doing exactly what you did and try to make things better. I do try to talk to him and ask him if he has had a bad day. Sometime he will say yes but that is the best he can do for now. Thank you so much for posting this.
The way my Meyers-Biggs
The way my Meyers-Biggs Personality profile put it was "You have an obsession with the Holy and the Profane", the extremes of life.
It's completely true. We on the spectrum have *NO* control over our emotions. The line between mania and depression, between happy and angry, is very fine and takes every fiber of our being to keep it under control.
And sometimes we fail- I've had meltdowns that have lost me jobs.
what a joy when we can
what a joy when we can understand our children on the spectrum! when my child is bummed i too try to take the time to see his point of view...sometimes very challenging for me. i remember when my son would bang his head when he was non-verbal b/c he couldn't communicate (what a draining and emotional roller coaster that was and that was daily happenings). Very pleased to say my son communicates now, even though comprehension sometimes is not there entirely he fully can cope now. thanks for posting this, and lets pray and give hope for kids like Cooper & Nick!!