It has been entirely too long since I have been here on this site.  I miss everyone so very much.  I hope to have more time to get back involved here now that my recovery from surgery is almost done.  The twins are doing so well at school.  Michael is saying lots of words including "mommy" and Kaylee is actually doing some pretend play and spewing sentences and actually carrying on coversations now a bit.  It is very exciting to see their progress with language and to have them a little more relaxed.  Michael was recently diagnosed with adhd and we got Kaylee officially diagnosed with autism now.  We still have huge sleep issues, social issues and sensory issues, but the speech growth is just so thrilling.  I hope all of you have a special holiday season.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Just saying that I so miss this site and all of you!  Once I am better I look forward to catching up with everyone.  Please know I am thinking of each of you, wishing you all well.  I am out of commission, Mickey is Mr. Mom while I lay in bed, hurting.  It sucks.  That's the only way I know how to put it. Twins are making progress at school, Michael adjusting quicker than our Kaylee.  Alex is running everywhere, still struggling with anemia, but we are making improvements with his levels of iron.  Joseph and Liana are home everyday after school helping out, gving up a social life for now till I am better.  They do the late afternoon and evening shifts so Mickey can go to work at night...have to say, I hate this, but it is working out ok thus far.

Well, tonight is open house for the twins' school.  I am truly not looking forward to this whole experience.  I know it's their right place, to get what they need since First Steps is over, no more therapy at home unless we pay for it, but not being with them, them being away from the safety of my eyes and my home is truly going to be one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.  I am going to give it my best try, and if it is not a right idea for them for any reason, I am just going to have to figure out a way to afford therapy at home.  I am putting them on the bus, which I did not want to do, but Joseph needs the car for an early class since there is no bus for it.  And truly, separating in public, at the school may be too overwhelming for all of us, so it's best to do it in my driveway on the bus.  I don't know how I am going to handle just walking them out the door and handing their little hands over to the aids on the bus and waving bye....but somehow I will do it, there is strength in me yet untapped I reckon.  I need to focus on being grateful our district has a program that is free like this for them and stop feeling so selfish and scared, but it is truly hard to do.

I know I should probably not blog right now, but it has been so very long since I have.  I am ever so weary, and not in the best frame of mind from pain meds.  I am feeling very low because I am a doer not a sit on the sidelines kind of person.  This recovery time is killing me, and the thought of more surgery has me in just about totaly despair.   I know I am strong, stronger than I even know I am, and I will get thru this time, but right now I just miss holding my kids and playing around with them.  It is killing me inside, my heart is breaking every time someone else does these things for me.  Though filled with gratitude, so much of it, for all my kids and family are doing, I am sad, selfishly so, if that's a word.  It is always me that comforts and fills the needs and makes them giggle.  The pain from the surgery is just about gone, but the pain from the overwhelming amount of endometriosis that has taken over my body inside is excrutiating, and I am tired of being tired and in pain.  I want my life back.  I am determined to fight this, and not let this disease emotionally beat me, though, so my chin is up, and I am reminding myself all day and every sleepless night, that I am not alone, that I have support, that I too am a survivor.  This too shall pass. 

Well, we are on the way to having a sensory room, geared up for what Kaylee and Michael each need with the help of their dedicated OT, Desi.  We have a pop up tent, a mattress for jumping....working on a felt board, pillows and blanket, some books....next I need a boom box for quiet, instrumental music, and a mounted small fan for the air circulation and white noise...so  I am really excited and determined to have this done sooner than later.  There is also a big tub full of pillows to wallow in and an old easy chair to hind behind and curl up in and climb over.....the last step is to bring in the indoor slide that we presently have outdoors.  I hope to take a photo when all done to show it...so far I only have had to buy some tape and poster board and felt...pretty cheap thus far.  Not much for a fan and little cd player.

OK. if this link is up already, forgive me, but I found it and I am jazzed about the ideas here...I am determined to make a sensory room for the twins and Alex too....we are moving Liana in with Kaylee, since presently Liana is in the sunroom...she can do sleep overs in the sun room still, but on school nights, sleep with Kaylee....and the sunroom, a tiled floor is going to be my sensory party room....and I am so excited that so many of these ideas are cheap and easy to do!  Just wanted to share the link!http://reclaimingthehome.typepad.com/home/2009/01/building-an-autism-sensory-room-on-the-cheap-tactile.html

I don't have a ton to say today, but am bummed out that our pool has turned green overnight.  It makes it so hard on my Michael when he knows the pool is out there, he wants it and can not get in it.  So, I have been runing out and scrubbing it every chance I get, put another chlorine tablet in there, and am crossing my fingers that by tomorrow we can swim again.  It seems that though the pool adds tons of fun outside, when stuck indoors, from rain or algae, the pool makes it worse too.  Ugh.  I need to get a cover for it, but have not found one the right size yet.  If I can get it covered, then the algae won't get so bad, have to keep looking.  Kaylee is not really interested in the pool itself, she would rather slide and swing and play in the sand and grass clippings which give her red eyes, and my Alex loves the pool, but no one loves it more than Mr. Michael.  My son has a friend who gives swimming lessons, and he offered to give the twins some lessons in exchange for a car radio he wants.  He says he has never done it with special needs kids, but if I am up for letting him try, he is up for trying.  Andrew is a cool kid, and I think I am going to go for it, and if it doesn't work, he can give me a little cash for it or work it off some other way.  Good things going on around here otherwise, though, and I am gearing up for the week ahead.  I have a ton of paperwork to fill out for the twins to go to the Judevine Center for Autism to evaluate and get cool therapies and respite application....lots of paperwork.

Ok, I can fill a need for someone, maybe....not really to do with autism, but I have boxes and boxes of baby clothes, preemie to 2t and some 3t that were given to me by my aunt who had quads, and I would be most happy to share them with anyone who has a need for them.  I wanted to post it here, to my family here before putting it on Craig's list to give away, so if anyone knows of anyone who needs some baby blankets and clothes, boy and girl, just let me know and I can box some up and mail them out.  I know the shipping will be some money, but I will find a way to get it out to whoever needs them.

My brother read some of my posts recently on facebook talking about the ipod touch and prolo...software for it.  Though I have a somewhat strained relationship with him because of my mom and some other issues, bless his generous heart.  He bought us and ipod touch and installed prolo on it already and has sent it off to us yesterday.  We should get it later this week.  I am utterly speechless at his actions, since on my end I have not been too communicative since my dad's passing.  That he has done this simply fills me with tears of gratitude, and perhaps this is a start of a better relationship for us.  He wanted me to have it for the twins, though truly they are a little young for it still, so he just did it quietly for us.  People out there do care.  It is a great example of you just never know what can unfold in a day when you keep your faith and hope alive.  Wow.

Since I am still new to all of this, forgive me if I sound like a dingy.  I can not figure out why Michael and Kaylee are stimming so much.  All of the sudden, out of the blue, they are both doing it constantly, every time I turn around.  Kaylee is a liner upper of toys, anything, and Michael is verbally stimming and hand flapping like there is no tomorrow.  Kaylee is so obsessive about her rows and spirals of things, that if one little thing gets bumped or nudged she flips out.  I have been lessening the amount of TV for about two weeks now, weaning them very slowly, so maybe that's it, they are used to the shows they love being on more.  I have been using music more.  I don't think this is the cause of all the stimming though, but I know letting them do it some is ok, but when they are doing it this much, isn't it usually the sign that they are not getting enough sensory input ot stressed over something new or uncomfortable in their environment?  I feel like every time I take one step forward, we get shoved back three.