It's been awhile but good to be back.  Caden is doing really well.  We tried him at a new preschool this summer to mix things up for him.  New teachers, kids, rules, environment, food, etc.  He loves it!  We have been getting out lots, as I am now only working 30 hours a week.  The barn (to pick peaches, ride on the cart behind a tractor, feed the animals), beach, zoo, or play date on Tuesdays, and a children's museum or park on Thursdays after swim.  It is nice to have those two days off to be with my three boys.  We also are trying out "Start Smart" baseball which is a highly hands-on parent teaching child class.  Caden does not like using his muscles or getting tired so he is having a hard time. Last week I did it with him as husband was in France for work.  This week husband got a try at it.  It is difficult, as a super-parent athletes, to hold back our desire to push our child to do something he isn't interested in doing.  So all we are asking of him is to finish the 8 weeks, and then he is done.  He agreed.  He is evolving, growing into quite a funny, quick-thinking kid.  He hardly cries when things aren't going his way or on his terms.  His crying has turned into frustration which has its own interesting quirks.  He loves to say "your not my guy" or "I don't like you" when something, seemingly small in my adult neurotypical world, is not right with him.  I love that he is using his words.  I just hope he gets better at self-regulating, over time.  Hope. 

Caden has been taking a 1/2 hour one-on-one swimming lesson each week for the past 6 weeks.  He is finally getting comfortable with Coach Jenn which has its benefits and detriments. One benefit is that he generally listens to her, if it is a neutral task (such as crab crawling) or, if it is a non-preferred activity, he will comply if he knows he will get to pick a toy from her toy bucket at the end of the session.  A detriment is that he resorts to being silly to get out of doing things such as putting his head under the water and she finds it cute.    I suggested to her after the end of last session that depending on whether he was avoiding something because it involved sensory, versus just his behavior, that she could be more firm with him.  So this is some of the dialog from swimming this week.  Coach Jenn: "Caden, how old are you?" Answer: "Four and a half."  Coach Jenn: "When you are at school, who is in control?" Answer: "Teacher Marcy and Teacher Jessica."  Coach Jenn: "Why are your teachers in control?" Answer: "Because they are the teachers, they teach us and protect us so we need to listen to them."  Coach Jenn: "That's good Caden.  read more »

Tomorrow we are driving two hours down to Santa Barbara to attend a birthday party at the zoo. The party starts right at Caden's nap time but Caden loves the zoo (it has this cool train that takes you around the perimeter), and loves birthday parties, so I said "yes." But as I am preparing our bag of snacks and clothes for tomorrow I reflect back to a previous trip to this zoo, in November of 2008.  It was a disaster of a day. Tantrums galore.  But despite these memories, I keep trying. I continue to expose him to the world.  Hoping that tomorrow will be a good day, but wishing inside that just one time, I could walk out the door, and not worry about whether Caden is going to have a rigid, inflexible day.  So we did lots of prepping tonight about having a "flexible brain" and he told me "I promise to leave my rock brain at home. I am the little engine that could.  I will be flexible!"   A lesson learned.  I need to start thinking more like the little engine that could.  I need to worry less about what "might" happen and relish in the joy of the adventure. 

Today my great little boy turned four! We had a grand day. We started the morning with a Batman theme party at the local gymnastics facility.  The best place for the boys and girls to jump, crash and play.  Caden did great with all the noise, sugar, and physical contact.  He proudly wore his "crown" as he hung from the bars, swung from the ropes, and jumped on the trampoline - He was crowned "king caden" at school for his birthday week.  The afternoon was filled with friends at the house.  Tomorrow will be a day for relaxing, enjoying new toys, and getting Caden to hopefully forget about all the delicious sugary treats he enjoyed all weekend.  He ate 4 cupcakes and drank at least 3 fruit drinks today.  I have a feeling we are going to pay tomorrow.  Caden is my sunshine, my hope, my joy.  Happy birthday my sweet boy!

Caden is an extremely sensitive child.  His response (up until recently) to almost anything he didn't like, whether it was a child taking a toy away from him, an item of food dropping, a child hitting him, etc. was to cry.  That was always his response.  He now understands what "frustration" feels like, and the difference between feeling "sad" because someone took something away from him versus feeling "frustrated."  His scale, as of late, is tipped heavily on the "frustration" side.  His response is to yell at the top of his lungs "I am feeling frustrated" which is followed by stomping and general grunting.  Have other parents experienced this and, if so, how do you approach the behavior?  The ABA approach would be to put him in a timeout and not acknowledge him until he calms down.  We've done that and his behavior continues.  If we can get to him quick enough, and talk him "off the ledge" he calms down.  My concern is that when he does this, and we are not around, people are not going to know what to do with him.  How do you teach self-regulation and the different levels of feeling frustrated?

Caden has learned the art of both negotiating and "but mommmmmming."  When asked to wash his hands before dinner tonight, he responded "But mom, why do I have to wash my hands?  They are just going to get dirty again (true)." When told he isn't getting another piece of cheese, he responded with a "But mom, I like cheese."  His other new skill is negotiating.  I say "Caden, why don't you put your trash in the trash can instead of on the table" to which he counters, with a smirk on his face, "But Mom, why don't you be a big helper and do it for me."  I later say "My sweet Caden, why don't you take off your clothes and get into the shower so we can start getting ready for bed?" Caden's response - "Ok Mom, here is what we are going to do.  I am going to take off my clothes, put them in the laundry basket, take a shower, put on my pj's and then, because I am such a good listener, you are going to let me watch a video, ok?"  I love it. 

We signed Caden up for a soccer program that is only 30 minutes, 1 day a week.  I was a bit worried that we were wasting our money as he has shown no interest in any kind of sports.  So much that I actually wrote into his IEP a few "sports" goals because he was refusing to learn how to kick, throw, or hit any kind of ball at home.  My husband and I both went to college on full-ride athletic scholarships so sports are a bit part of our life. Caden agreed to try soccer because his friend "Ben" who is on the spectrum, was also signed up.  Caden loves to imitate children.  I call him my sheep as he doesn't ever lead the pack at school/in social settings, and will do whatever the other kids are doing - good or bad.  If a child is goofing around and not listening to the teacher/coach, Caden will imitate that behavior. Last week's practice was interesting because Ben (with my son close on his heels) was running off the field, throwing soccer balls at the trees, and generally keeping the coaches on their toes.  My husband and I, in turn, spent most of the 30 minutes yelling "Caden, stop following Ben - pay attention to your coaches."  Ben's mom had such an embarrassed look on her face (which is understandable) which made me realize that we were being anti-fun parents.  So at the end of the 30 minutes, my son had clearly enjoyed himself because he was with Ben and despite his "sheep" behavior, we were happy because he was kicking the ball, had a smile on his face, and had successfully completed a social activity.  This week we intermittently talked to Caden about what is expected of him at soccer - that he needs to listen to the coaches, that soccer balls are for kicking, and that he should try to follow the other kids.  He did so great tonight.  He was running around with the other kids, kicking the ball, and generally having a good time (even though he did seem a bit lost).  read more »

I curse the day those automatic flushing toilets were installed into public bathrooms.  Caden had no fear of the toilet until we took him to the movie theatre and he had to pee.   Moments after stepping away from the toilet in the public bathroom there was a loud WHOOSH and my terrified son nearly crawled out of his skin.  It is very difficult trying to explain to a 3 1/2 year old that some toilets flush even if you don't want them to flush (he must be out of the bathroom at home before I am allowed to flush). Today, I took him to the children's museum and he started doing the potty dance.  I got him to agree to come into the bathroom so I could show him it was a friendly toilet, and not a monster.  I agreed to pee first so he could witness, first hand, that the toilet was not going to swallow him whole.  Just as I was about to squat (with my shorts at my ankles) Caden decided to bolt - He opened up the door and gave about 5 other parents a nice view of me on the toilet.  And so goes another day at the museum. 

Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to overcome the behaviors in Caden that lend themselves to autism that letting him just be a child is lost in transit. I find myself questioning his behavior meaning I find myself asking whether his behavior is of the kind you would see in a typical 3.5 year old or is it more closely attributed to his autism?   I usually fault on the side of chalking it up to autism which means that instead of giving him a "free pass" he winds up in a timeout.  Am I too hard on him - too black and white?  I am still searching for that middle ground.   If I think he is engaging in a behavior that we are trying to stop (e.g., being controlling), he goes to timeout because I worry that if I don't it will undue all the hard work of his therapists.  As a result, I feel like I am slowly chipping away at the trust he has in me.  I want him to always feel like my arms are always open for him but am having a difficult time with setting the parental boundaries.   He frequently tells me that he is sad and I got to admit, it would be hard if someone was always watching my every move.  So the rest of this week I am going to try to bring more light than darkness to his life and hope that I hear more laughs from him than tears of frustration. If only I could look into that magic snow globe and know that he is going to be alright.  

Caden has been quoting lines from his favorite videos, totally out of context.  I have been feeling a bit frustrated because I am having a difficult time explaining to him that other kids don't know what he is talking about when he suddenly blurts out "what did the customer say" (a line from Ratatouille).  I know my husband will quote things from movies when he is around his friends but I firmly believe this isn't a genetic "male" thing that I should just turn a blind eye to.  So do I stop letting Caden watch videos, ignore it and hope it goes away, try to do "something" about it, or chalk it up to another one of his quirky traits that makes him who he is?