Long title, I admit. I will try not to ramble too terribly much in this entry.

They are still trying to push the Focalin XR for Michael. I explained he will not take it, and even if he does not know the pill is in a food he will spit it out. Now they want the teachers to try giving it to him at school rather than me fighting him. I asked if there was something else I could give him instead of the Focalin, and they said NO. That made me a little upset because Focalin is still rather new and attention issues have been present and treated for over a decade.

I think the biggest issue I have with Michael's condition is the ignorance of other people. Ma took me and Michael out to lunch one day and he was all over the booth and not eating very well. When it is not busy we let Michael get up and use the bathroom himself. Well he went off and the old man from another booth came up to us and commented about Michael. I thought he was in need of the bathroom and stood up to go get him out. The guy was saying something about he was going to tell Michael he was being Naughty. OOO I was pissed. I turned around and snapped, MY SON IS AUTISTIC AND DOES NOT RELATE WELL TO STRANGERS DISCAPLINING HIM, DO NOT SAY ONE WORD TO MY SON" and went to the bathroom to get Michael. Ma tells me the guy was dumbfounded and she was left to explain. She said we are lucky with his behavior and he made a remark about oh it is usually worse. She snapped at him and said no Michael was better off than most kids with Autism.  read more »

As I discussed in a previous blog I had thought about setting up a rewards board. I saw the idea of a white board and magnets from an episode of Nanny 911. However, due to a lack of available resources (in this case interesting magnets) I went with a different approach. I have a large blue poster board taped up on the front door to my apartment. Then above it (out of my son's reach) I have placed two sets of fish scrapbooking stickers. Around here it is hard to find decent sticker suplies other than for scrapbooking. One set is of small colorful little fish, and the other of larger more glittery or shimmery fish. When Michael is exceptionally well behaved he gets to put a small sticker on his board. I extended this to the bathroom and his bedroom as well. On those doors I have a white tagboard put up, and a sheet of Cars Movie themed stickers we found on clearance.

For the moment we have not ventured into the bedroom for sticker worthy tasks, because we both have had horrid colds as a result from walking around the fair on cool nights. But the bathroom stickers are reserved for toilet poops only. Michael seriously regressed in that department, and I fear fighting him to realize underwear or tub poops are bad I fear I scared him into thinking all poop is bad. We have earned three poops stickers this week though! The first one was only halfway earned, but the last two he really tried and succeeded. In an effort to really reward him and getting him pooping in the toilet, I also let him place a larger fish on the Be Good Board.

Michael does seem to understand the relationship with the stickers an slowly how to earn them. He likes to point to the larger ones and tells me "poop" as to how he earned it. We are trying to get him to communicate more stories about things he has done, so sometimes when in the car I will guide him through telling Grandma he got a sticker for pooping in the toilet.  read more »

Normally I do not watch Nanny 911, but I needed noise on and it came on after CMT videos. So while I was sitting here trying to come up with my next digital art photo manipulation project, I was watxching snippets here and there.

One idea I really like. You take a small white board and as rewards they get to put magnets on it. The theme was fish, so the boards had bubbles or water designs on them. And the magnets were little fish. Michael loves animals. And small white boards are on clearance right now at Wal-Mart from school supplies.

My son already gets too much sugar and treats so I have been trying to come up with a new reward for poop training. He is great at putting money in his pig, but I need something for only behavior or poops. Maybe for poops I can get a tag board he can put stickers on. And then for behavior use the white board, that way for bad behavior magnets can be removed and rewarded easily.

For the poops maybe once he fills a line we can pick a prize out or something.

I worry that he will not really understand the point, but maybe with time he would. Maybe this weekend I should price things. I have the other half of my cable bill to take out of this week so I can pay it next week. So we will have to see what I can afford. But it is a nice idea.

I noticed Michael is very visual. He likes praise, and regresses with punishment. Like this morning he got upset because the bus driver was lecturing him for not standing with me while he pulled up. So he did not want to get on the bus. But he does respond to visual stimulus and praise much better than trying to explain things. If he does something well and has something to show for it, he is such an angel in return.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were spent all day at the fair. Our county fair is larger than some state fairs, and the 2nd largest in the world in county classification. I also went out Saturday night as a late Birthday thing. It felt so weird being Holly again rather than Michael's Mommy Drone. But not coming home until 2am is too much.

Today Michael went back to the fair with his preschool. I am not sure what all they did to be honest, I am guessing probably just looking at animals and such. He must have done well because no email or note from his teacher. In fact she is not not saying much about him this year. Just that he is doing group work instead of individual. Which is a huge progression.

I am taking him again on Friday alone, then Saturday and Sunday with Grandma. Friday night I have to run my car (yes it feels so so good saying that MY car) to the mechanic so he can fix the brakes.

My neighbor is going to start this work from home thingy through some company that deals with melenoma things. After a week or so I may join her into it, depending on what she does. I hope it is not sending out stuff on mailing lists or selling products. I can set up my own store and feel so much better than pushing things like skin cancer products. No offense to the cause, but it just does not feel right for me. What is appealing though is picking my own hours and staying home with Michael.

As we all know I want toget into amateur photography, or a freelance type work. Yes I am still on nude cowboy ideas. To start numbing myself to the naked form I have been working with digital art photo manipulations with nude models. I may not be the one behind the camera but I still have to work with the result. So it is a start. Sadly though the stock photography for males are not really that inspiring. So I have been working with female forms.  read more »

I have noticed that things with Michael's education or therapies do not really bother me anymore. I find myself no longer crying myself to sleep with concern for things like that. It is like I have hardened up after so long of doubt and disappointments. I do not cry myself to sleep over issues with his father. I just find I do not have the energy to really care about alot of things anymore.

But the odd thing is, now that I just do not bother letting all those issues bug me anymore, little things come up and can knock me on my bum. Things that make no sense why they would bother me.

Maybe I need a hobby beyond Myspace or my art gallery or something... Something beyond Michael as well. To make me feel more human. Sometimes I feel like a mommy drone just here to cycle around Michael and forget there is a person behind the mother.

Michael never ceases to surprise us with things he can do or knows. Since he cannot really communicate it stands to reason our shock is even bigger when he shows us something suddenly.

My best friend is pregnant. Very pregnant. She is also Michael's god mother. We just call her Aunt Heather, and she deserves that title. Somehow Michael knows where the baby is going to come out. He does not ask how it got in her tummy, just accepts it is in her belly. But he knows where it is going to come out! And he likes to show us much to all our our embarrassments. He was a C-section so it is definately not memories of his own birth LOL

I have learned in the last several months it is time to stop underestimating my son.

They started Michael on Focalin and I cannot get him to take it. He cannot swallow so it has to be opened up and mixed in food. Only it does not matter what I hid it in, candy, toast, jello, apple sauce, Michael will not take it. I can mix it while he is still asleep and he knows it. I cannot premix it more than a bit before he will take it, so no idea what to do. He takes his Risperdal so well, but not the Focalin.

Does anybody else have to give their kid a ADHD medication to help with attention? I am thinking of asking for an alternative because he will not take it in any way.

Michael and I had the first day of school. It was a half day with parents for phase in. We all had breakfast, playtime, stories, and lunch together. Amazingly there were only a few hiccups with Michael. A few others were actually having a harder time than him. I think his problem was he did not like sitting around while the teachers explained everything else to the other kids. He starts his first full day on Thursday.

So I am getting a car. Ma was approved for a car loan so I get the Lumina while she is paying off the new(er) one. And when it is paid off-in maybe a year-that car will either go to me or the next car loan will be for me. I think she is trying to make up for me having to pull Michael out of therapy early because of her new job. She had promised me he would never have to miss his stuff and boom she was wrong. I actually have the  Lumina today. Ma is out of town with a rental because I have to meet with the surgeon. So it is mine now I guess. Only probem is it has to go BACK into the shop and get it's breaks fixed. I will drive it tomorrow for preschool and then I think I will call it done so I can stop with the horrid nightmares about driving with no breaks again. I knew they would go I have had the dreams for a few months now. When I was 17 my car's breaks went out and I had to drive 20 miles to school a few days before it could be fixed... It was scary.

Yesterday was Michael's home visit from his teachers. The girl who lives accross the hall from me has a little boy who will actually be in the other half of Michael's class. Michael is technically in the Special Needs Class, but  after the first few weeks they combine the two so the special needs children are not isolated and they all benefit from each other. Anyways, Dallas had his home meeting at 10 yesterday and mine was 11. I was in the hall cleaning off eyeliner from both sides of my dor that the neighbor girl did so nobody would think it was Michael. The other two teacher's came out and Michael got excitedf and ran up to hug them. He was equally excited when his teachers came. They think Michael will be able to do more group work rather than the independent work he did last year. It will be nice that he gets to adjust with the other kids this year.

We also had our Child Specialty Clinic meeting today. I had to walk Michael the 10 blociks, but he did better than expected. Thank goodness it did not start really raining. It just misted on the way there. He is looking very much ADHD according to the Vanderbilt they had me fill out. And his attention span is so short. So we get to add anew medication to the list. I guess it is a pretty new one. I thought she said Vocalin XR but her handwriting looks like Localin XR. Hopefully it will help. I hate the idea of pushing pills that do not work.  read more »

Michael had his preschool physical today. Amazingly he did very well with the height and weight. Usually he refuses or is scared of them. The nurse could not get over how much he weighs. his height is 42 inches and weight is 43 pounds. But he does not look fat. I guess he has really gorwn according to them in the last 3 months.

But his tonils have not shrunk. He has abnormally large tonsils so I guess it is time for surgery. We meet with the surgeon next Monday. I would rather it wait until mid September so he has some time to adjust in school with his classmates, and will not be sick for the World's Greatest County Fair.

So yesterday was a bit of an odd inspiration. I thought about buying rubber duckies whole sale and reselling them on Amazon. It is something that can literally be done with leaving my home only enough to go to the post office. And then I would never have to worry about snow days or holidays and day care woes. But I really know nothing about setting up a business. Amazon seems like such a wonderful site except for the fees. I have ordered things dirt cheap, example books for a mere pennyt. It makes me wonder how anybody can turn a profit when they have to pay 40 bucks a month just for a subscription sellling fee, and then a referral (which I do not understand at all) fee on each item sold. I guess the fees vary between 6 and 20 percent. When my profit per item is only 50 cents to a dollar that really cuts me out. How on eath do people afford to sell so many dirt cheap items?

I really like the idea of being a rubber ducky saleslady. It is close to what I have wanted for a long time. My own business that I can work totally around Michael's therapy and school. (which reminds me I forgot to call the speech therapist back) but I have no clues how to get started. I think I need a book. I have another book tucked back somewhere that said you should never start a business that costs more than so many dollars unless it is like 80% profit. Well with the exception of the seller fees it would cost me less than 50 bucks to get started. YAY Me. 

I have the  graphic design experience, and I coulde easily put together a cool website design. But I just never got to learn the whole database or such to havorders processed. Thats why I liked the idea of Amazon.But I do not like the idea of 50% of my profit going to fees and such.  read more »

Ok perhaps this is not a new site. But I just discovered it. I have become a free sample nut. In 4-8 weeks my mail box should start getting full with little oddities. I even requested samples for men's deoderant and shampoo. Unsure why.

http://freesampleforager.com/

It has basically anything under the sun. But hey if I want to try something it is a whole lot cheaper then going out and buying it! Anything to save myself a penny or two.

At one time I was talking to David's sisters regularly. Then it sort of blew up in my face. Ironically right about when his daughter was born and I was starting my fight to get Michael seen by the Specialty Clinic. I started getting annoyed because they stopped speaking to me yet checked out everything on Myspace. I had trackers (yeah I know against Myspace rules) hidden and a friend and I set something up. They literally would read my comments then go read his to see what I replied. The final straw was when they went to check out my mother's myspace. I thought my friends deserved a little privacy. They assumed things written in my blogs were about them and would always try to think I was saying something other than I did. Then they all got torked because I deleted them. One of David's sisters tried accusing me of being an ungrateful little *cth saying I have never said thank you for the presents they had gotten him. Yet they seem to have forgotten the numerious textxs comments, shoot even me breaking down in tears when I thanked their mother in person one Christmas.

Last Se[tember David admitted to me that his oldest sister made a comment that she did not want anything to do with Michael if I were around. How nice huh. Last June David was here for 2 hours and then I figured out finally the rest of his family were 30 minutes away. None of them wanted to come see Michael I guess. Shoot if they had wanted to take Michael to the amusement park, I could have gotten him free tickets and let them have him alone while I hit some of the shops or visited with some friends who work there.  read more »

No the baby will not be named BOB. My best friend who is also Michael's honorary Aunt/Godmommy is havng a baby boy and the father does not like any name she picks yet cannot think of any himself.. So I call the baby Baby Bob. Her shower is tomorrow. Even though she wants Michael there, I know it will be too much for him to handle, so he is staying home. But I am actually going to ditch the capris or jeans and tshirts and look nice. Which means I will look 2x as fat :( But I need to work on dressing up. I may look fat but it will be better than sloppy. Maybe I will get a good picture of myself and post it here for everybody tomorrow night :)