Christmas is coming - please, let it not be as insane as last year!!!

JohnPaul just turned 14.  OK, that's always tricky because his birthday is dec 1st, so we have to watch how we give presents.  Not too generous, not too miserly.  Then the buying fever hits us, not so much out of generosity but mainly a panicky "I-don't-want-to-leave-anyone-out-God-I-hope-I-didn't-forget-anyone" feeling.  It all spirals out of control, to the tune of "Silver Bells" and "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer".  I rapidly use up all the wine I was saving for Christmas dinner, just to cope with the undercurrent of inadequacy I always feel.  And it doesn't have to be this way!  (I tell myself)  Christmas is a time of joy!  Sharing with others who have less than us, remembering the poor, the elderly, reaching out to all (as I reach out for the corkscrew).  My coworkers and I have decided not to give to each other this year, or to our students.  Instead we will buy food for our local food pantry.  I'm making a big effort to practice all the carols I know on piano and guitar, in the hopes that when our families get together, we can sing together.  And most importantly, I'm reading to JohnPaul about the Christ child.

My son with autism has increased my faith a hundred-fold, simply by coming into my life.  I have never felt "exceptional" (you know how some folks tell you that you had a special needs child because you are so special), and I admit I have felt poorly equipped to take care of any child, typical or special needs or anything in between.  I will even confess to the certainty that I was the last person on earth who should be raising JohnPaul...and yet, here he is, with me, with his dad and 3 sisters, with a crazy assortment of extended family-types who all love him but don't always know what to make of him.  His being part of us has made us all better people, has tested our patience, has fed our creativity, has strengthened our humor, and certainly has made our faith become real.  Nothing this beautiful and complex could be random.  When I look at my son (and all my children), I can't help but believe in God.  What else could account for their perfection? 

Well, I know this isn't a religious blog site, and I hope that no-one is offended by my beliefs and my ramblings.  But it is a time of year that does make you think.  And feel..and wonder.  I hope that I can be thankful this year, and focus my energy on the beauty that is right inside my home, not the chaos.