I am new to this whole blogging thing, but thought I would give it a try before I start feeling like I am going crazy! I am 26 years old, stay at home mother of two. McKay is going to be 3 next month, and Madison Jade just turned 8 months. I am dealing with McKay everyday, who has autism, and feel like I do the same thing everyday...I would like to know how I can deal with McKay, and not feel like I am going to explode all the time. How does one deal with disciplining an autistic child when all they do is look up at you and smile and say "Hi Mama!" Day in and day out it is McKay running around the house, opening and shutting all the cupboards one by one, taking the safety plugs out of the walls and putting them in his mouth, turning lights on and off, (being obsessed by them), lining cars up in a line, only wanting to drink from a certain cup, if I didn't do french toast sticks for breakfast on the certain Cars plate, then all hell breaks loose, he has his routines that drive me nuts sometimes....I could go on and on...How does one deal with the mannerisms and all that comes with raising an autistic child? I am almost to my breaking point, and I don't want to call my husband when he is coming home crying everyday. Please help me! Anything would be appreciated, even just a simple I know what you're going through! I am tired of trying to get my family to see what I go through all day, they say "Oh, it's just a stage, you need to discipline him!" And I do and try everyday and no one seems to be telling me, gee, it must be tough to raise a kid with a developmental disorder! More power to ya! Anyone out there to listen to me and just someone to talk to would really help!
Jodi
Okay the following will work
Okay the following will work with anybody...., strangers that give you "that" look in a store, relatives
that have to put their two cents in all the time... just open your mouth and repeat after me
KISS MY ASS! Now doesnt that feel better mmm? =)~~~
lol. Ah Cindy, always
lol. Ah Cindy, always knowing what to do to take the stress out of the situation and make us all feel better. Maybe I should just tattoo that saying on my head or get it on a t shirt and wear it around all the time! Ha ha! Thanks! :)
Been there, done that, also
Been there, done that, also have the T-shirt. My son is an adult and even I can hardly tell he is autistic anymore. The first year after his diagnosis was the WORST - mostly because I was trying to solve EVERYTHING all at once. This can't be done, so pick was is the most urgent and concentrate on that. (It's hard, I know, because you'll be focus'd on one thing and another catastrophe will bring something else to the forefront.) - BUT, as much as humanly possible, after you get a plan, try to stick to it for at least "a little while longer" each time.
Routines, I found, are best if the intial goal is not to "break" them or eliminate them, but to 'replace" them with more acceptable routines. McKay is only 3, so this process will get easier as he gets older and develops more "tools" to communicate with (not necessarily language, but things other than the tantrum). Pre-prepare him for the change & make it clear that the routine will come back again after the change. I.e. Communicate to him in the clearest way you can (pictures, cartoon stories if necessary) that next meal will be with the plate, the one after without, and the one after that with. This 1 on 1 off then can become a new routine for awhile & the key is to keep it predictable for him. Positively reinforce that the change is a good thing, by rewarding any sign of accepting behavior on his part. You can gradually increase the level of that acceptance (ask him to behave even "more better" each time before giving the reward). Then, go to 2 off, 1 on routine and eventually "fade" the routinized behavior away.
I know, it seems complex - and it can be. Most of us abandon the process long before it has a chance to work. Someday, though, you will stick with it and discover that it can work. It also won't always work, because sensory processing problems can get in the way. Sensory issues are, for a young child, almost impossible to "just adapt" to and they remain difficult things even for the adults. They are the "brick walls" you'll hit along the way, but there are ways over and around them, too.
Keep the faith. Looking back, the last 20 years with my son went by all too quickly.
Been there, done that, got
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Are you doing ABA? As a dad and not a doctor, ABA and Diet Interventions get my votes as must do's.
Also, I realize this is no easy task, but in our case when we show frustration, our daughter gets more frustrated. It's like she picks up on the general mood or vibe. We have a relaxation CD from a family therapist also that is a huge help and also see him every few weeks. I highly recommend that as well.
Fielding J. Hurst
http://autismretort.com&
http://autismparents.net
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you for your comment. What is ABA? And I have heard about the diet interventions, but have no idea where to start. What did you do? I have realized that when I get frustrated with him, it makes everything worse, and I don't want to do that anymore. It doesn't make me feel like a good mom when it goes on all day....:) I have started to distract him and make the situation funny...so we'll see if that helps! When my husband comes home, he helps out a lot and gives me a break. It's nice! I will have to try that relaxation cd, and I am a massage therapist, so I will see if doing that works too. Anything, right? My son loves music too, so thanks for the advice!
Hey scarey guy (sorry hard
Hey scarey guy (sorry hard not to tease) can you give us the name of the CD? I download music & it does
help my son calm down sometimes =)
HI Jodi, I'm a bit new to
HI Jodi, I'm a bit new to all of this too. I have had to fight family opinion to get help for him. He barely talks at four which most people think is just because I don't talk to him enough!! I once knew a deaf lady who had a deaf husband neither of who talked with 3 hearing children al of whom talked. When I asked her how they learned to talk she said from the TV (she was actually serious).
So while I have managed to get him to four before a diagnosis and I don't hesitate to say he is mildy affected compared to some I really don't feel much in a position to advise BUT I think I got this far by going with his flow as much as possible. He has a naughty step for really bad stuff like hurting hiting or biting, but any other punishment he just laughs at me (which is really annoying sometimes). Discipline doesn't cure Autism, you can't make him change who he is. I am glad now that when people ask me what's wrong with him I can say Autism, rather than trying to pretend he is just great. He is a real handful!!
With the cars plate and certain cup this may not be finacially possible but what about having a couple of them? Like some mums do for kids with that blanket or cuddly?? We gotta fight the big fights not all of them! My son gave up on cupboards after I cleaned out one and put all his stuff in it, and made all the other no go zones. tight lacky bands can work a treat over handles, or look into some proper kidy safe door locks some are so hard to do they are almost adult proof. I used to try to react to what was happening and stop it but you just run around all day going 'no' and cleaning up mess. If you can tackle some big things that are problems so they aren't problems anymore you might get some more of the moments that remind you how great he is.
Now my son is definately mild ASD but still can drive me mental as can my completely normal 5 year old. Mums should get a medal for getting through the day and Mums of Autistic kids win GOLD!!!
Finally your family needs to baby sit while you and your husband go out and enjoy yourselves without kids! You will get time out and your family can find out what you are on about...
I guess you know there was a
I guess you know there was a time that people thought autistic kids had "refrigerator moms"
as in cold and not caring.
I didn't know that. But it
I didn't know that. But it seems pretty typical... blame the mum.
But it is very hard to chat away to a child who rarely responds (either verbally or non verbally) or makes any obvious sign that he heard you.
I think the "refrigerator
I think the "refrigerator mom" theory also got going because so many moms become depressed. Having a child who does not appear to respond to our love and affection is devastating to our own sense of ourselves as mom's and depression can make it seem that a person "doesn't care" - so I think the psychologists who diagnosed autism in the children and then brought this idea into vogue as the cause were actually guilty of misdiagnosing the depression in the mothers.
I found "bonding" hard with
I found "bonding" hard with my son. My daughter locked eyes and cooed so there was no doubt in the mutual love, but my son evaded eye contact or only held it briefly, so while I loved him it was a very different experience.
Sometimes (when Marcel is
Sometimes (when Marcel is calm enough) I'll take his face in my hands and look at him straight in the
eyes and say "Mommy loves you", "I love you Marcel." I just wish he could say it back. I tell him all the time
if he'll just start talking that he can take all of mommys words and Ill never talk again, Ill write everything down.
I wish that were possible, to give him my words.........
Cindy, I don't think you've
Cindy, I don't think you've ever mentioned how much speech therapy Marcel gets now. Have the therapy efforts to get him to start talking been kept up or are they becoming more focused on using the Dynavox and other alternative methods of communication?
He gets three sessions a
He gets three sessions a week.... play therapy. Debbie uses pecs. We're giving the dynavox a rest for awhile.
His doctor and I agree if we can just keep him calm. He is sooooooo hyper. The Focalin helps but the ten mgs
only lasts three hours. The new script for fifteen just came in the mail so we'll see if that makes a difference.
He can be so funny. Yesterday he had just had enough of Debbie so he ran into his room and slammed the
door lol. He can sign MORE and here lately he's been pointing.
He's pointing and signing -
He's pointing and signing - that's a really positive sign. At least he's developing a basic concept of the "purposes" of communication. I'm glad to hear that he's getting a good amount of focused therapy in this area. We'll keep our prayers up - I have faith, Marcel is going to start talking again someday... hopefully, soon.
I would give anything if he
I would give anything if he would =)
I know what you're going
I know what you're going through :)
I really do. Elderly people usually have the most to say. One woman today, in fact, said to me, "We used to solve that kind of problem with a good swat to the rear." I tried to smile but I think it came out more of a hostile grimace. I said, "He has autism." And the woman very kindly said, "Well that's something else entirely then." So people are slowly learning.
Also, just today, I took my son to have his picture taken. I told the young photographer, "He has autism." And she responded, "What's that?" I repeated myself THREE TIMES before I realized that she had heard me but what she wanted to know was "What is autism?" So people are slowly learning.
Hi there, My son doesnt line
Hi there, My son doesnt line up things or insist on sameness. He's severely autistic with severe retardation and a
seizure disorder. He doesnt talk. Gees Im old enough to be your mom lol. You're not alone. My first suggestion is
you stop taking advice from people who mean well but dont know what you're going through. THEY HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THIS IS LIKE. My son is almost nine & in pull ups. He throws things so we keep anything he can kill us with
out of reach. No lower lamps. All outside doors and windows are secure otherwise he'll split. He bites, scratches.
We're about to start his 14th medication. Something will work for awhile and then we'll have to switch because he's
gained too much weight or because he's not eating enough. A good sense of humor helps ALOT. Having an autistic
child will make you stronger. I have told off a few people, put family in their place & even a couple of strangers
at the grocery store. If your son really likes something use it to your advantage. Chocolate works for me woo hoo!
Be glad he can say ANY words. My son rarely says anything. He hasnt said mom or dad in at least a month. We are
all part of "a club" we didnt want to belong to. We didnt expect this but here we are. You are not alone. Welcome =)