I found reading whatever I could get my hands on more therapeutic than pumping my group of experts with questions right at the start. I wanted our relationship to seem more like a mutual collaboration rather than "They dictate, I jump to do whatever they suggest."

Bringing about this scenario was easier, however, 20 years ago when there were very few of the professionals in my area who had any extensive experience with autism anyway; so many were quite willing to let me go ahead and research the various issues on my own, report back to them with whatever I found out, and then they would add in their inputs based on their general field of expertise (OT, speech, psychology, etc.). Now, I think the tables have turned and more of the experts feel that they have superiority over parents, both in general knowledge of and experience with autism. Theoretically, their ability to answer your questions should be better, but going outside their opinions when you feel the need may be a thing you'll find harder to do than I did (reference Nicole's recent difficulties with her therapist).

For the first meeting, I would get them to run through the entire diagnostic criteria with you and discuss where they see your child fitting in on the spectrum (point-by-point on the DSM-IV). This will not only give you a better understanding of your child's diagnosis, but also give you a feeling for how your experts view your child in general. There will, no doubt, be areas where you see things that they haven't and vice-versa - and this process may help bring these areas of difference to light. Next, you will probably have to decide some priorities and initial goals for your child's treatment. For example, you'll have to make decisions about what treatment approaches you favor, be it ABA/IBI, biomedical, pharmaceutical, or a combination. Your experts will also have personal preferences and opinions they may express to you in these areas, or they may refrain from making their opinions known until they get a better feel of where you're at.

I know it may feel like a judgment, but it is really quite different. Keep in mind that this is still just another step in a very long staircase, not the end of something and the beginning of something else. Having a diagnosis will help with access to certain services, etc. but it won't provide an immediate cure at this point - nor will it pronounce a life sentence. A bright, unknown future still lies ahead of all of us.