Sorry I didn't see the "Visits" posting right away. Don't mind me, I feel like little chunks of my brain are disappearing all the time.
Well, I guess you will always have a link to David, a cosmic link, and it's a good thing that he's the best guy you've ever known so far. It sounds like he isn't a deadbeat as far as child support goes. Does one child get his time and the other his financial support? That's a tough situation that he is in, two kids, two mother's of his children, time, distance, money, and his own youth, a bit of growing up to do, and some feelings of guilt, no doubt.
Did you say he has been talking about getting back together with you? It sounds like you are going to be more careful with your heart this time around, but you are maybe are willing to give things a try?
Well, I guess you could look at it this way, a lot of guys David's age are being deployed over to Iraq for seven months and then get to come home for four months. I heard of one guy stationed here at Camp Pendelton getting sent out four times in a row like that. Some Daddies don't come back. In either case, the mommies tell their young kids that daddy is far away and can't visit. So, in that regard, Michael is having a similar experience to a lot of his peers across America.
About giving things a try again with David, of course get the scoop on what else is going on in his life. Is he being honest? Is his family kicking him out and he needs a place to stay? What is going on with this Naomi? How would she fit into the picture? Would you feel like the family on Big Love (the polygamist HBO show)? Would it matter? Does he have a car? Could you share it and one of you work evenings? What about his job if he moved? Can he transfer to where you live? Would he want YOU to move? (If you moved then you would be far away from your mom, so if you needed emergency help, that would be a problem). Would you just make his life easier by decreasing his expenses if he stayed with you or would he want to be with you because he misses you and Michael? Would he be trying to save on his living expenses so he could send more money to Naomi and Rose? Do you think he might feel closer to Michael once he sees what a sweet, smart kid he still is? Is this 24 hour visit some sort of test/audition? There are so many factors and it is terribly complicated. Of course, I'm sure some of my questions were off-the-mark because I don't know the ins and outs of all of this.
Don't sell yourself short about ever meeting a new guy if it doesn't ultimately work out with David. Look at Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey. She said, "Who's going to want me and my autistic kid?" Well, there are some wonderful, compassionate men out there who could love both you and Michael if given a chance. I have had many friends in my life who were single moms (of kids ranging in age from 2 to 10) who then met wonderful men and went on to have more children with them. I was there the night one of my friends met her guy--I had convinced her to spend the pecious $10 to sign up for a single's chat group called Love Soup that was sponsored by a radio station at the time. It was free to read the profiles and she had been scouring them for several weeks prior. So, she spent the $10. A few of us gals were over at her house having a Survivor TV show pot luck party.
She was too chicken to log onto the site and chat, but I was an old hand at that internet stuff, and I kept bugging her to log on. Finally, she said I could log on and pretend to be her while she went outside and had a cigarrette. As soon as I logged on, her future husband wrote, "I'm your knight." I responded, "What? What kind of knight?" He knew right then that one of her friends was logged on for her because I didn't immediately understand that what she had said in her profile was that she was looking for a Knight in Shining Armor. It was eerie how well they matched up. They were both Catholic and he had a son (the same age as my friend's daughter) with an ex-wife who moved to another state and then married a lawyer. They kept his son from seeing him and also poisoned the child's mind against him. This man was the nicest person, he was studying to be a teacher and he YEARNED for a child. The father of my friend's daughter never bothered to come and see her and he was one of those abusive deadbeat types anyway. It all worked out and together they made a family and now they have a second daughter together. They moved near her mother where things were cheaper and where he got a teaching job, and they had a house built custom for themselves.
I know, it is different having a special needs child, but it doesn't mean that there is no one out there who could handle it, who would LOVE to be part of your sweet family. It's not as though Michael is a terror of a child. He seems like he just needs a little extra attention, not restraints and sedatives or anything like that.
I keep trying to post reply comments, but still no luck. I would think it was a Mac issue except I was able to post before. Maybe it has something to do with the two grayed out icons on the tool bar to the left of the HTML icon. Before when I would hit "preview" one of those icons would flash just before the message went through.
Here is the explanation of
Here is the explanation of me and David. I guess it would help clear up a little. I just hope it does not make me look bad.
We met when we worked at a local amusement park. When I turned 16 and had my own car (since he lived in that town and I did not) we started dating. We broke up 5 months later. The next summer was kind of odd. Apparently when people told us the other still had feelings neither of us believed it. Things got close again but not back together. Then I started dating and got serious about a guy I worked with. I actually ended up moving in with him when my mom moved out of town. He went to see some family in Arizona and I could not take time off work and when he came back he was a jerk. One fight he told me I was worthless so I slapped him. He dumped me because in a few years he figured I would be beating on him.... I was 17 at the time. Ma still had her place here in town so I moved back home and she nearly went broke supporting me while staying out of town for work. David and I met up cuz he was worried about me thanks to threats Jeramy had made while I was out of school for bed rest because of an upcoming surgery. A shoulder to lean on ended up more.
I got pregnant and gave him the option out. (I was just starting my senior year) He took it. Then a few months later changed his mind. We sat and talked about it and he seemed to be sincere. His father and brother-in-law decided to move to Pine River Minn and he went with. A month after saying he would be around when the baby was born, he was gone... He finally got ahold of my email months later with a phone number to call him, only I read it after the time he said to call. I was supposed to call him when I went into labor, but after not talking for months I was terrified he would say no and at the time I could not bear to hear that.
After Michael was born he was supposed to see him and chickened out. Michael was born end of May and he finally met his son in August because his sisters and mother wanted to see him before they moved up to Minn.
He came down and got me for Christmas that year and we spent a week up there. He seemed to be involved. Not much but a little effort. And I stayed 2 week up in the following April at his place and was supposed to stay but when plans started changing and nobody gave me any choices I was afraid of ending up homeless I came back to Iowa.
He stopped talking to me that summer because I was dating and serious about Charles. We ended up engaged and he wanted to adopt Michael. Obviously none of that happened and David finally started talking to me again. And then went silent again, but I was talking to his sisters.
He came down with his sisters for the county fair (our county fair is the 2nd largest in the world) and asked me to move up there. And then over the winter he changed his mind. When he came down for a week last Sept he decided it was what he wanted again, and us to live together. Supposedly he still wants that but does not have the money to move me, or even pay to have his own place. He helps out his sister with their bills. She has 3 kids and her husband has skin cancer so alot of medical bills.
I guess he pays both me and Naomi child support, probably more to her. He takes Rose on weekends he does not work. But he does not make the effort anymote to even ask about Michael. I try sending him messages and he reads them but no reply. Which is what he is best at, no reply.
David has a very hard time admitting to feelings. His father has probably never told his kids he loves them. He just is not an outward guy. Not a bad person, just not very verbal or outwardly involved. And it seems like to me and many others that David is the disappointment of the family. His sisters and mother have both talked negatively about him in my presence...
I think that confusingly convers it. We talk about getting back, well not as much now. I think the living together pretty much sums it. But he has been told not to pretend to care about me unless he completely means it because I cannot handle being led on. And that goes 100x more for Michael.