We thought we had a great idea! It looked like it was helping. We all had the best intentions, believe me. Here's what happened:
JohnPaul, who is 13 and has autism, does have impulsive reactions when he is angry. I don't think he can even identify in his own mind that "Son of a gun, I'm angry!", but he definitely does get angry at times, and his reaction is usually one that a much younger kid would have - hitting or calling the person he is mad at insulting names, or throwing something (usually something small). Since he likes to draw, one of his sisters had an idea to have him draw a picture that would express his angry feelings. He came up with a good one. He drew a picture of her (he was mad at her), with a speech bubble coming out of her mouth saying "I'm Therese, and I'm a weenie".
Wow! The picture diffused the anger, and plus he got a lot of positive attention for the drawing. OK, he likes this form of therapy, so for the next few weeks, whenever he gets riled at someone at home, he draws pictures and then tapes them in a prominent place for all to see. But they turn violent. He's mad at his other sister, so the picture is of him laughing smugly while she is electrocuted with Christmas lights wrapped around her. He gets mad when I insist he must take a shower, and then an entire series of comic book vignettes appears on the fridge involving me in a guillettine, me falling thru a trap door, me getting run over by a truck...while he stands nearby.
Whew. The last straw was the picture of his younger sister's bottom being roasted in the fireplace.
OK, the tantrum rate has gone way down, but the sadism level has gone sky high.
Well, last week, he became angry at his teacher. He secretly drew an unflattering picture of her (as a huge blimp-like monster) and wrote "Mrs. M is a meanie." and he signed another student's name to it! It was found on the classroom easel. He did confess when confronted, but we were mighty unhappy about the whole thing. So now we're looking to another way for him to express anger, although maybe all we need to work on with him is verbally expressing "I'm angry".
Any thoughts on this situation? You'll find me on the psychiatrist's couch! Sher
WELL I'LL BE DAMNED IM
WELL I'LL BE DAMNED IM ACTUALLY YOUNGER THAN SOMEBODY ON HERE LOL =) But tell ya what Sher202020
you're younger than my husband (56) and he's still young =)
I think it's a good thing
I think it's a good thing that now you and he both know he has all this anger and anxiety pent up inside of him. I would move towards refining his own skills towards analyzing what behaviors in other people make him angry and also work on shifting the expressions of his frustration towards describing the behaviors of others that make him angry rather than just calling people names. Get him to extend the bubbles with "X is a weanie because he/she does Y to me." Then later add in the realization that if he does Y to someone else, that someone probably thinks that he's "behaving like a weanie" too. If you can manage to get him completing this line of thought so that the behavior analyses get internalize, you may be sewing the seeds of being able to eventually get him to develop some sense of self-control. Learning to vent anger in harmless ways can be a first step in this process.
Another thought process that you could work on completing is the idea that "our own behaviors" are ultimately the only ones we can change. We can complain about others, call them names and such, but unless the "behavioral conversation" changes nothing will happen except that everybody gets more frustrated. Starting to teach him how to phrase his anger in ways in which he can convince ( but not badger) others to change their own behavior towards him would be a powerful tool for him to learn. We all need vent our frustrations and the world would be a better place if we would all learn to vent it in harmless ways; but where the rubber hits the road is in how we can "negotiate" ways in which to get other people to like us and treat us better.
As teen girls we vent to a
As teen girls we vent to a diary. We got to say things against people and never get caught. We could release all our little devious thoughts. What if you got him a sketch book and told him it was all his own, and he could draw what he wanted on the condition that he stops showing his art off and hurting people, or drawing at inappropriate times, like the picture he did of his teacher. That way he knows every night he could sit down and just scribble out all his emotions and go to bed with a lighter load.
Good idea =)
Good idea =)
Tammy Lessick Story Time
Tammy Lessick
Story Time Felts, Ind. Consultant
www.learningfelt.com
I am speechless. Almost. At least he is communicating??? Maybe??? You know, if you stop and think about it, teenagers probably have those thoughts. I don't know. My kids are still young. You have taken one step. Maybe now you can find out if he really means what he is drawing, if he truly understands the meaning of the pictures he is making up. Then you can take it from there, and explain how and why that kind of behavior is not acceptable. Kind he write out on paper why he is angry. What the other person did to make him angry. Why what the other person said or did was wrong. After that, he could write how he is going to forgive them and let it go.
AND think about this......,
AND think about this......, he even signed the drawing of his teacher with ANOTHER students name, that took some real
thought.
Uh I hate toadmit I laughed
Uh I hate toadmit I laughed my ass off while reading this lol. Honey they're just cartoons. Dont worry you're not
raising Jeffrey Dahmer, the kid sounds like a riot to me. Relax mama itll be okay.
For all you know that
For all you know that sadistic little genius mind may be the budding of the Stephen King of the next generation of authors.
AMEN Holly lol.That's
AMEN Holly lol.That's exactly what I was thinking.
Sher202020 I have to thank
Sher202020
I have to thank every one of you for your responses!!
His teacher and I did discuss the idea of a journal, that would only be for him to write/draw whatever he was feeling, no judgements. I also really like the ideas about taking the anger a step further with why he got angry, and how he could express that to the other person. Ownership of poor choices/bad behavior is a tough concept for him...he can blame, but not see his part in it. We will always have to work hard in that area, I think.
And yes, I did laugh too. I hate to admit it, but his pictures were really funny. It's my kind of humor, too...caustic. But he really relates heavily to cartoons and kids' shows, where people get hurt and bounce back up again, or jump off buildings and fly. Very fantasy-oriented. Last year he picked up our rabbit, and then for some unknown reason, bounced him like a basketball on the floor. The rabbit survived, but it was a wake-up call that he had no idea how his actions affect other living things. He wasn't angry, just did it without thinking.
I remember when he was 8 and very into the movie "Treasure Island" (the old Disney black and white version).
We went to a yard sale, we were all looking around, when all of a sudden my little boy raises a big carving knife into the air, and yells "Fire that pistol, and I cuts his throat!" Little girls looking at Barbie dolls scattered. Mothers clutched their babies and purses, and hurried away. I grabbed my son, got the knife out of his hand, and apologized to the poor owners of the yard sale before jamming him in the car and burning rubber down the street. His behavior was, on one hand, innocent enough - just re-enacting a movie - but would he have hurt someone? I really don't know. In the movies, anything can happen and it has a happy ending everytime. He is unpredictable, not because he is violent and aggressive, but because his thought process has no basis in reality.
Anyway, you are all wonderful to respond. And very helpful too. Thank you!! Sher
Hey maybe you have a budding
Hey maybe you have a budding actor on your hands. There was a family show back in the 80's with a young man
that had Downs syndrome. Im sure somebody will think of the name of the show. I WISH my son could do what
your son is doing..... & by the way I bet next time those people have a yard sale they'll think twice about putting
a knife out. You've been at this longer than me but Im willing to bet Im older than you (ugh lol), and something
I've learned is your sense of humor will get you a looooooong way dealing with these kids and in dealing with life
in general. Im glad you're feeling better lol, that's what this site is for. Thanks again Todd =)