My son Conner was born on 9-11, he was my first child and my husband and I had so much love to give him.  As he got older we always said Conner was just a lazy baby, we didn't know what was norm, he was our first child.  Well, after 2 years had past, I recieved a call from my cousin, Conner's god-mother, she asked me questions about Conner.  She stated that she was researching some information on autism and didn't know how to put this and didn't want me to get upset, but she felt Conner had some-like sypmtoms of autism.  I was horrified that she called to tell me this, I was like how does she know what to look for, she isn't with Conner 24-7, but as upset as I was, I looked into it.  After researching myself and talking to other family members, I decided to take Conner in for a futher evaluation. 

 We visited with his pedetrician, who then referred us to get his hearing tested which was normals, so we then went an saw a speech therapist, who felt he didn't have austims.  We finally got in with the regional center and that was a sit and wait game.  Finally, once we were able to get an appointment for a evaluation they didn't do a thourough one cause we were soon to relocate to Southern California.  So, once again we waited.  Finally we were getting somewhere, all the information was transfered, but guess who's third birthday was around the corner.  Yes, Conner was turning three, this changed everything with the regional ctr.  So after we waited again, we finally got with a wonderful lady who rushed and took care of everything. 

I remember me and Conner going in for the BIG appointment were we meet with a M.D. and child psychologist for them to make a diagnosis.  We sat down, they asked me questions, they watched Conner, they did a physical exam, and here it was, " your son has AUTISM." I tierd up, reasured myself that I knew this was going to be the results.  Honestly, though who was I fooling, I felt it was all my fault, that I did something wrong, and all I wanted was for Conner to be normal.  What is normal though?  In my eyes, Conner was normal.  But this appointment changed everythings, what was to come next will change everything. 

So now its been 5 months and here we are, Conner is going to school 4 days out of the week for 3 hours, along with behavioral therapy that follows after school for 2 hours 5 days out of the week.  This poor little guy, but he's hanging in there.  It took me 5 months to finally talk about the effects it has on me and this is why I submitted to this blog.  I look at Conner and I feel guilt sometimes, I feel that eveything needs to change but its not going to be a quick fix that happens overnite, and strongest part of me feel nothing but love, so much love that I need to stand up and do what I can to make things better for him.  I need to learn more, I need to see what others are doing and find someone who may have a child with similarites like Conner, I want to know about DAN doctors and if its a good idea, I want to know about the CFGF diets and how its going for them. 

I left all  of my support system in Northern Calfornia, and I don't express much about how I feel with Conner having autism, but I stick by and I try to help with what I know about for Conner.  Don't get me wrong Conner has so many people that love him, but I don't feel that the people truly understand the dept of autism.